Tomorrow Tim and I fly out of Michigan and head down to Duke University in North Carolina. We are heading there for an appointment on Monday. A quick jaunt to and from these two states to have his recent MRI read.
This past Tuesday Tim had a MRI done here in our hometown. Two days following the opening of deer rifle season here in Northern Michigan Tim was home and not up to his beloved camp in the upper peninsula. Instead, he was home. We went to our hospital and he had his brain shaken up by the MRI machine. I was not a deer hunter's widow this year. This year's deer hunting season has marked a major milestone in our marriage. For once in over 16 years I've known him, I actually was with him on November 15th.
Many of you Michigan women reading this know what I am talking about. It has been an overall odd phenomenon this past week. It has NOT been a very good week for both of us.
One was missing his camp, his deer hunting buddies, camp camaderie, being one with nature, camp food, camp stories and all that other deer camp stuff.
I was missing him being up at his camp. I enjoy it when he goes off to camp and loads up on that sort of therapy.
There was plenty of emotional ups and downs through out the week. Stressed over so many things. Angry over a shower line leaking inside the bathroom wall. Ticked about a puppy who still likes to poop in the house. Crabby due to an virus infected computer. Anxious about traveling to North Carolina and dealing with my flying woes.
Edgy. Completely edgy. At wits end at times.
Both of us craving an escape. Escape from what? That cancer cloud of course.
Such is our life. This will all pass. We move on.
Tomorrow we fly out of Detroit on our "free" Southwest Airline plane tickets we were graciously given from our last appointment to Duke in October. This is how Duke University works. We liked how they took care of us while we there and helping us plan our next appointment.
This will be a very quick trip to North Carolina. We have an appointment with Tim's Radiologist/Oncologist so he can read, and give us some guidance of Tim's latest MRI. We would like to have just mailed this information to him, but instead we will be traveling with the CD of his brain images in tow, tucked safely in my carry-on bag. How that makes me nervous carrying such precious cargo.
Hopefully in the future these MRI's can be emailed to Duke, but for now we have to make this trip and be in presence of Tim's doctor.
I'm a bit reluctant to say how I am feeling about what his MRI will show. We both believe it may still be too soon to have a clear picture of how things are going in his brain. There may still be some radiation effects and necrosis of tissue, thus the previous pseudo progression diagnosis we heard before.
But these MRIs make me nervous. I hate this whole mind game these appointments work me up into. What will they find? What won't they find? So for each and every MRI Tim has, we both and everyone around us will have to go through this unnerving time. I can't even begin to tell you how very stressful it is. And these feelings just plain stink.......
I will see sights like these again. Tim and I will fly the skies and hopefully see blues and fluffy clouds like these. I'm expecting North Carolina to still have some fall color around. I'm positive we won't have any snow to contend with. Certainly a very quick trip and then back home again. As I sit down in my seat on the plane, I'll buckle my seatbelt, put my head back, close my eyes and pray. I'll remember how only four months before I was also sitting on a plane. And how I was heading out west to Wyoming with my sister by my side, never imagining my life would be where it is now.