I'm really glad last week is over. It was one of those weeks that went from bad to worse. It seemed bad news filled my ears and sights continuously and while my week ended in total devastation, events leading up to it could not have been changed, redone or replaced.
Sometimes it is so easy to become engulfed in the would-haves, could-haves, should-haves thoughts that can wreak havoc on your mind and totally drag you down. That whole thought process could have brought me down, but for me and everyone else in my family, it is best to move on, learn from this roller coaster ride of a life and all the twists, turns, ups and downs it throws to you.
My week began with learning the news of John and Kate Goselin's divorce and then sitting down and watching their show Monday night. I listened to each side of their reasons for separating, how it would affect their children, noticing John's left hand hidden behind a couch pillow and noticing Kate's constant fidgeting with her wedding band. My heart ached when Kate said she did not want to be alone and analyzed John's statement about being 32 years old and how it felt to him, old. Like that past 10 years had aged him so much. I didn't take sides, I only listened and watched as another statistic hit this reality show.The middle of my week picked up with warmer weather, square baling fun and having a head start on our hay season. Then Thursday took a turn for the worse. Farrah Faucet, an emblem and beautiful soul left this world, leaving all of the pain she had endured, teaching so many of her cancer anguish.
That evening, while watching my son's little league team mercy the other team during their last season game, I Twittered briefly on my cell phone and read the news of Michael Jackson. Soon news spread and the bleachers I was sitting in turned into a buzz of chatter from other parents learning of another emblem dying, but this time so unexpectedly.
My drive home from the baseball game, had me listening to the ongoing chitter chatter of reporters updates on my truck's radio, song after song being broadcasted Micheal Jackson once sang.
My arrival home and the fog my brain was feeling soon ended when I let Ruby outside to do chores with me. She didn't even want to be outside and instead sat by the front door, whining, panting and letting out silly howls. My instincts caused me to wonder.I hadn't heard a howl like that since the first night she stayed in our home when she was four months old. It was a sorrowful one.
I knew she seemed really off when she did not accompany me with her usual aggresive barking towards the horses and neurotic behaviour while I fed them.
Instead she followed me only to my horse trailer nearby, laying down underneath it.
Let's rewind a bit here. At 45 days I found out Ruby was not pregnant with puppies via xrays taken of her. And even though she was showing signs of being pregnant she was simply showing signs of a false pregnancy. This can happen in dogs and I accepted it because clearly there were no signs of puppies on that xray sheet.
However last Friday would have been right around the time of her due date, had she been pregnant.
Her behaviour I was now experiencing were her hormones in action, out of control and taking over her body.
Througout the evening Yooper and I kept a watchful eye on her. He shook his head, not believing she could be pregnant. She didn't even look pregnant. Even though her mammaries were showing signs, filling up with nutrients, the rest of her looked quite normal. She wasn't acting normal though. I teased Yooper and told him that if she had a puppy in her I was firing him as my vet and/or we were going to invest in digital xray equipment and forever be in debt. He liked the first threat of me firing him. He didn't care for the idea of being in debt forever. His day couldn't get much worse either. He began his day with pulling out a dead, rotten calf from a cow and becoming completely covered in the stench. And then after our son's baseball game Gatorade was dumped all over him from giggly, happy boys, excited from their last game's win. To top it off he then had to go on another calf delivery following the baseball game, another mess of a birthing, not only sticky from Gatorade but now gooey and gross from a slimy calf.
By morning, after a sleepless night, Ruby clearly not comfortable, panting heavily, I noticed a major problem.When I picked her up, cradling her in my arms, I saw something coming out of her.
I woke up Yooper in such a panic and when he saw Ruby, he declared it was a puppy's foot coming from her.
Imagine my surprise, shock and horror. Picture Yooper's face as he looked at Ruby, telling me we had to do an emergency c-section on her right away.
Suddenly a rush of emotions flew through me. These past two months I had gone from exciting thoughts of Ruby possibly being pregnant, to the let down of her not being pregnant, then trying to comprehend a false pregnancy to suddenly Ruby is pregnant and is now in labor. My head was spinning.
She really pulled one over us. We had the blind shades shut down right over our eyes. My stinker of a dog mastered a good joke. Ha, ha, ha we could laugh then. However by the time Yooper opened her up, brought the one and only puppy out of her uterus and into this world, it soon became apparent it was not meant to be. Another let down for my week. She did indeed have one single puppy inside of her. "She" was very big and had Ruby's coloring, even the diamond shaped white marking on her forehead. This was so sad for me. My sweet dog had hidden a puppy inside her, saving it, nurturing it, knowing I wanted one puppy from her if she ever created a litter of pups.
Later on, while Ruby was waking up from her surgery, I held her lifeless puppy and a whole flood of emotions came to me. It was very heartbreaking and I felt extremely sad for Ruby.
None of this seemed right. I couldn't understand why this happened, why it ended this way and felt angry, sad and hopeless all at once. Yooper told me the best thing I could do now was be with Ruby and make sure she will be okay. He felt extremely down for me telling me how sorry he was and how badly he wanted me to have a puppy from her. I thanked him for keeping Ruby safe through all of this, because losing her would clearly tear me apart.
Ruby is recovering wonderfully. She has bounced right back into her routine life. While her first couple days and nights were a bit rough only because of hormonal changes, she is doing quite well. I shake my head and wonder why we woman, me having experienced a c-section twice, cannot bounce back to life like our pets do. Ruby never once asked for 23 doses of Morphine or needed a pillow held to her stomach to walk around. She never complained that it felt as if her insides were getting ready to split open and spill over everyone and everything around.
I have noticed her grief, her sadness and her velcro grip to me. She has been quite clingy, whining and acting lost at times. Yooper knows she is looking for her puppy, mourning the loss. How sad is that? Let me tell you knowing this grabs at my heart. If you never thought dogs do not feel emotion, act out in sadness, I'm here to tell you they do. Ruby has clearly felt the pain of losing her puppy that once was safe inside her.
I know now she would have been the best mama dog around. Her instincts she has displayed these last couple of days clearly speak for themselves. I'm quite proud of her.
To me, she is the best dog in the world.
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This afternoon I gave myself an overdue pedicure, removing the month old nail polish on my toes. Which then revealed yellowish nails. Aww heck, that is why you apply more nail polish.
The white "pearly white" nail polish has been my latest favorite. I bought it a couple months ago and it has pretty much stayed on my toes 24/7. It also goes well with red and blue. My daughter wanted me to do her fingernails as well. She totally dug my pedicure and manicure treatment today. Except she wanted me to paint stripes and stars on her toes and I told her it would cost her roughly$30 per nail. 
I took pictures of my self done pedicure in case you didn't already figure that out. I was playing with my camera too. Such is my life. 
My toes are curling up because this little kitty cat has decided to dig her clawed paw into my leg. Hello kitty!
Do you know how hard it is to take pictures of not only your own freshly painted, cute, little piggys, but also trying to avoid a shot with a kitty cat in it? 
Aww, kitty cat. You ruinied an otherwise perfectly shot picture. I mean look at those toes. Callused, oddly shaped and turned to the side little baby toe. At least they are painted pretty and looking patriotic and making me feel all festive. 
