You Can't Keep A Good Man Down

I really do not recall what type of instructions Tim's neurosurgeon had for us when we left the hospital Wednesday as far as what he could and could not do. Or in actualality, what he should and should not do. There were no take home instructions from the nurse with a list of to do's and not to do. All I know as each day passes following Tim's surgery he has made remarkable progress. He is feeling stronger and since Ibuprofen has been his only pain reliever lately, the narcotic buzz he once had has all but disappeared. Those strong pain relievers, while certainly helped those first few days prior his surgery, were making him ill and slowing him down.

We were greeted by this sign once we came down our driveway Wednesday night. Looks like Tim has earned a proud sponsor.

Just kidding of course.

But we were digging the "S" for MSU Spartans baby!

And the "FAT BOY" part of this sign? Let's just say it is a long standing joke behind his buddy who hung this up and Tim. 15 pounds lighter from spending 12 days in a hospital; he's sure no Fat Boy now!

He did however eat a Taco Bell chili bean burrito today! WooHoo!

I'm digging the sign. I think we will keep it up for awhile.

As far as what Tim is supposed to be doing and not doing we figure it all depends on how he feels. Of course driving his truck is totally out of the question because of the seizure he had that ended him up in the hospital to begin with.

But driving tractors?

There was no convincing Tim he couldn't climb aboard big blue and putz around in it. Even though he is still suffering from some paralysis in his right arm and leg from the tumor removal, he managed to fire up this diesel hog, sit there listening to her chug along and smile.

He told me he's not going to quit living. He tells me he feels the best he's felt in a very long time.

And then he announces to me he is going to try and unload some round hay bales from a wagon.

Of course I cringed, felt my blood pressure soar, shook my head, bit my lip and then grabbed my Nikon and decided I needed to freeze this moment.

Did this man just have a brain tumor removed from his head eight days ago?

Is it possible a week ago I sat next to his hospital bed, watching my husband sleep, attached to numerous wires and IV lines, recovering from a crainiotomy?

And now, a week later, I am standing in our barnyard watching my husband drive his tractor around unloading hay bales from a wagon then effortlessly stacking them in our barn's lean-to.

Someone pinch me right now.

The man amazes me. He always has. He's living life.

One round bale at a time.

Tim told me something the other day I found quite interesting to think about. If you were to write a book about your life, would anyone buy your book, open it up, sit down and truly read it page for page?

Would your life appear at all interesting to a complete stranger? Would your book tell how you lived each day to the fullest as possible?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? What would your answer be?

I told Tim his book would be a number one bestseller.

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Home At Last

"We" are finally home. The hospital let Tim out last night and we arrived safe and sound back to our farm after nine o'clock last night. I could see his mind and spirit rise up a bit during our drive home. Just to be out of the whole hospital atmosphere certainly was what he needed. To sleep in his own bed was a huge comfort. To be cuddled and purred upon by our "Miley" cat all night was therapy

Being home is such a relief but we are both exhausted mentally and physically. I know these past few weeks have caught up to me today.

Life has become so very complicated and especially now that Tim is home. He has so many concerns about our future that both of our heads are spinning wildly. Again, we can only do this one day at a time and attack each hurdle as it comes our way. This family has been through such a huge challenge and while things seem a bit on keel right now, there are far too many fears ahead to even fathom.

Sure it is true a tumor has been removed from my otherwise very healthy 43 year old husband but cancer cells can be microscopic and while radiation and chemotherapy will help to alter them, the possibility of this cancer returning, and more aggressively is most definitely a certain possibility. Time will only tell. So we have begun this whole cancer game. And this cancer game is one of the most stupidist games I've ever played. Cancer doesn't play fairly at all. It cheats. Tim is ahead so far and will try with all of his power to beat it. Cancer has picked a true fighter, one who loves a challenge, and someone who has the strongest willpower I know. You have to realize Tim was told he would never make it into veterinary school. He was also told eleven years ago he shouldn't open his own veterinary practice. I had my doubts when he decided to add a 40' x 40' lean-to on to our cow barn all-by-himself. Here is what this cancer is up against. It better watch out. In fact it might want to think about disappearing all together.

Thank you to all of our friends and family and my awesome blog readers for joining in on this game to play along and beat this cancer with all of our mighty power!

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Home and Back Again

Saturday night I decided to leave the hospital and Tim and headed home for a day to catch up on life at home, see our kids, do some paperwork and check on things with our veterinary clinic. I certainly didn't like leaving him but after checking with 8 different hotels and them all saying they were booked due to a Jehovah Witness conference I knew it was a sign I should head home.

"Here's your sign!"

Amen, loud and clear.

It was so good to be home too. Such peace. Such fresh air. Such relief. Even though Tim is not home yet, I breathed in all of the northern Michigan air to bring back to him. I certainly needed a refresher. I needed to be home and sort of regroup before heading back down to Saginaw and the hospital.

I needed to give Tim an update of how things were on our farm. Turns out we had a calf born on Friday. I've since named the calf after the guy helping us with our cows this past week. "Eddy" is cute as a button and he and his new mom are doing great. I know he was quite a surprise showing up, but better late than never right?

Since I haven't even been home in the last couple weeks with being gone on my trip out west for a few days before being called back home to be with Tim, it was complete therapy to walk around our farm and see my flower beds growing so big.

Did I mention all of the rain we have dealt with? Our July recorded a 3.78" amount of rainfall. It is no wonder Lake Huron is gaining and not losing in depth!

Our July was also one of the coldest on record as well. There is no surprise there! I have been to the beach two times so far this summer.

With all the rain my flower beds are doing quite well.

My Purple Coneflowers are almost past their blooming and I was happy to see them before they dried up for the summer. I just love these flowers. These and Daisies! Love me Daisies!

Tim's 123 acres of vegetable gardens are looking pretty darn yummy. A couple good friends of ours took it upon themselves to mess up their spines and pull weeds one evening last week. Bless them. I feel their pain. Weeding is such a horrendous chore and with the way weeds grow around these parts I don't expect them to return.

I do hope they(our lovely friends, and not the weeds) come back. We still have rows of corn to weed. Then there are the long, very long rows of pumpkins to weed out. Squash and tomatoes and .................

Well never mind. I hope they will still be our friends? At least they will have a cat or two keeping them company should they ever return.

But seeing this. This framed piece of artwork above completely took me by surprise. You see, this huge project began the day I left for Wyoming. A week and a half later I arrived back home to see this growing behind my horse barn. This will soon be my indoor riding arena. Remember last winter when I cried crocodile tears when the original fell down from the weight of snow?

I am so excited. It is so exciting to be excited about something! When I talked to our builder last week during all that was happening with Tim, I really could care less. It(the barn) seemed so trivial. And at times it still seems that way. However when I was home the other day and walked around looking at the progress, I felt so hopeful for the future. This so cheered me up. I told Tim about the barn's progress and he was so happy for me.

Did I mention horseback riding is very good therapy? Physically and mentally? It certainly is. In fact, I have just the horse for that particular job. Happens to be Tim's favorite. Mine too.

Guess who is going to be riding with me real soon! I knew I would get Tim to ride my horses with me somehow!

We recieved comforting news about the tumor removed from Tim's brain today. It is not malignant, nor is it benign. We do not have to worry about it showing up in other areas of his body, spreading, like a malignant tumor would do. It is a locally invasive type of tumor meaning it will only stay in that area of his brain it began if it should return. At this point Tim's doctors are recommending radiation therapy to the specific areas of his brain for the little bits that could not be removed during surgery. They are such small parts, but should not be left alone. This would start 3-4 weeks from now. It lasts for 5-6 weeks and is a Monday through Friday type of treatment. Side afffects are minimal, unlike chemotherapy. We are both so hopeful and feel he is on the road to recovery. We're making progress and I can only say we will take this day by day.

"You are all that I wait for, all of my life. We're gonna get there soon".

Mat Kearney "Closer to Love"

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Quick Update

I know so many of you have been stopping by to see how Tim is doing. To let you know, he is doing so much better than he was on Saturday. I went home Saturday night, knowing he needed alot of sleep and would be better in the morning. By Sunday he was sounding better when he called me and pain seemed to be in control. I ended up staying home until this morning and headed down here earlier today. And to say "down here", the hospital is about three hours south of our home. (Except for when I went home last weekend, about 2 1/4 hours. I was not very obedient to the speed limit. Please don't tell anyone.)

So three hours one way, trying to avoid Michigan's imfamous road construction, my son being my co-pilot, reading a platbook, helping me reroute us around road work.

I am very relieved to see him up, talking, laughing and looking like his old self. He is eating better which again, is a relief. He is positive and upbeat. We are still awaiting the results from the histopath on the tumor removed. Tim has told me at this point after what we have already been through, that either way, he will be fine with the results. And me too. While I have been feeling quite anxious to find out and scared, Tim is being cared for by some of the best doctors and they will see that he recieves the best treatment for whatever needs to be done.

I'll update later once I hear the results of his histo.

Thank you for stopping by to see how we are all doing!

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Tough Healing Process

We are on day two of Tim's healing from his surgery. Yesterday he was doing amazingly well. Not so much this morning. Extreme pain and nausea have set in and while his nurses have been super about seeing he receives pain medication, he's feeling pretty rough as you can well imagine. He tells me his "brain is not very forgiving right now".

I so wish I could take away this pain he is feeling just so he has some relief. All of this is such a vicious cycle for him. He develops strong bouts of pain and then becomes nauseated so he is given pain and anti-nausea medication which then knocks him out. He is able to sleep but has no appetite when he wakes up. I so want to see him start eating soon. I wish he would ask me for an Arby's Philly Beef Sub or a Taco Bell Chili Bean Burito right now! Then I know he would be feeling better. We could all feel better.

One of the huge obstacles that we will overcome is his current weakness in his right arm and leg. Due to the location of the tumor, it's removal has caused very little mobility to parts of his right side, especially in his right arm. His leg is weak but he can lift it and is able to stand with no support. He has a strong grip with his right hand but he cannot lift up his arm or shrug his shoulder. This was laid out to us prior to the surgery and Tim made it clear to his surgeon that he would take this negative if it meant all of the tumor could be removed. Currently I can see Tim struggling with this issue emotionally. He is frustrated with not being able to make his arm move and wants to make it work. Nurses have reassured him it will come around especially as his brain heals. I believe this too.

We knew this could be a stipulation post surgery. Tim made the decision choosing removal of as much of the tumor as possible, even if it meant taking some good brain tissue along with it. He certainly wanted his doctor to make every possible attempt to remove as much of the tumor as safely as he could.

We would take being rid of this cancer mass even if it meant losing some arm and leg function. I believe what is happening to his arm is temporary and with physical therapy and time he will be throwing baseballs to Sawyer soon enough.

Right now he is sleeping pretty comfortably. That is what he really needs these next few days.

We are so grateful to the overwhelming support we have received throughout the week from friends and family. I know without having friends stop by, call and email me I would have to be admitted for some psychological help. It feels great to have so many to lean on when I need to or assure me things will be okay. I greatly appreciate everyone stopping by this blog of mine to lend their support, give well wishes and prayers. I know it is cliche' to say "we could not have done this without you" but it is most certainly true.

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