Leaving On A Jet Plane

Tomorrow Tim and I fly out of Michigan and head down to Duke University in North Carolina. We are heading there for an appointment on Monday. A quick jaunt to and from these two states to have his recent MRI read.

This past Tuesday Tim had a MRI done here in our hometown. Two days following the opening of deer rifle season here in Northern Michigan Tim was home and not up to his beloved camp in the upper peninsula. Instead, he was home. We went to our hospital and he had his brain shaken up by the MRI machine. I was not a deer hunter's widow this year. This year's deer hunting season has marked a major milestone in our marriage. For once in over 16 years I've known him, I actually was with him on November 15th.

Many of you Michigan women reading this know what I am talking about. It has been an overall odd phenomenon this past week. It has NOT been a very good week for both of us.

One was missing his camp, his deer hunting buddies, camp camaderie, being one with nature, camp food, camp stories and all that other deer camp stuff.

I was missing him being up at his camp. I enjoy it when he goes off to camp and loads up on that sort of therapy.

There was plenty of emotional ups and downs through out the week. Stressed over so many things. Angry over a shower line leaking inside the bathroom wall. Ticked about a puppy who still likes to poop in the house. Crabby due to an virus infected computer. Anxious about traveling to North Carolina and dealing with my flying woes.

Edgy. Completely edgy. At wits end at times.

Both of us craving an escape. Escape from what? That cancer cloud of course.

Such is our life. This will all pass. We move on.

Tomorrow we fly out of Detroit on our "free" Southwest Airline plane tickets we were graciously given from our last appointment to Duke in October. This is how Duke University works. We liked how they took care of us while we there and helping us plan our next appointment.

This will be a very quick trip to North Carolina. We have an appointment with Tim's Radiologist/Oncologist so he can read, and give us some guidance of Tim's latest MRI. We would like to have just mailed this information to him, but instead we will be traveling with the CD of his brain images in tow, tucked safely in my carry-on bag. How that makes me nervous carrying such precious cargo.

Hopefully in the future these MRI's can be emailed to Duke, but for now we have to make this trip and be in presence of Tim's doctor.

I'm a bit reluctant to say how I am feeling about what his MRI will show. We both believe it may still be too soon to have a clear picture of how things are going in his brain. There may still be some radiation effects and necrosis of tissue, thus the previous pseudo progression diagnosis we heard before.

But these MRIs make me nervous. I hate this whole mind game these appointments work me up into. What will they find? What won't they find? So for each and every MRI Tim has, we both and everyone around us will have to go through this unnerving time. I can't even begin to tell you how very stressful it is. And these feelings just plain stink.......

I will see sights like these again. Tim and I will fly the skies and hopefully see blues and fluffy clouds like these. I'm expecting North Carolina to still have some fall color around. I'm positive we won't have any snow to contend with. Certainly a very quick trip and then back home again. As I sit down in my seat on the plane, I'll buckle my seatbelt, put my head back, close my eyes and pray. I'll remember how only four months before I was also sitting on a plane. And how I was heading out west to Wyoming with my sister by my side, never imagining my life would be where it is now.

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He Makes My Day

His teddy bear ears...........

Those big brown eyes..........or are they black? Depends on the time of day and the daylight.

He's such a fuzzzy, wuzzy love of a pony. He's my little handsome boy. Okay, so he's my daughter's big handsome love.

I love his little muzzle. I love how small he actually is and how I can scoop and cradle his head into my arms and hug him.

His long blond mane. His adorable roundness. Reminds me to cut back on the second cutting a bit. Yes, he is spoiled.

He's a dear friend. He's good buddies with Pete. They talk to one another when out of sight of one another. I love their little man whinnies.

And I love how he is so sweet and gentle with my daughter. She hearts him, that is for sure.

Thank you sweet Bubba for being in our lives. You make me smile.

You make me give you smoochies on your tender muzzle. You make me weak at the knees.

I love you, you little "handsome" boy.

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Put On The Lard & Onions Honey, I'm Guttin' You A Buck

Living in Northern Michigan has its well, varieties. Varieties of places to eat. Various areas to sight-see. Certain locales to shop within. And then your varieties of people who vacate the area. Let's just say it takes all kinds of people to live in this four season state of great lakes. Those who can withstand wet, cold, and muddy spring-like weather. People who can deal with short but sweet cooler, damp summers. A population surviving long, dark, bitterly, dreadful winters. Then alas, fall-like weather surrounding many who dealt with those three other seasons.

With fall, autumn days upon us, November 15th sparks such a wholesome holiday around these parts. A day for men. A time for men to gather and to go out on their own and just be. To be well............I don't know for sure. I'm not a man. I cannot relate.

But woman hunt too. I don't. I'm sorry to say, but I do not hunt. I am married to a hunter but that does not mean I hunt. I'm a wimp. I see Bambi when I see deer out grazing in a hay field. I would much rather "shoot" pictures of deer.

My hat is off to you woman who do hunt.

Let's just say hunting season opened up around here on Sunday. Open rifle season began to lessen the whitetail population. To perhaps dwindle the tuberculosis infected deer herd. Bucks and I suppose does are being stalked for their meat to fill freezers and for "huge racks" to be hung on one's living room wall. Trophies, stories and good times to be made.

Obviously it isn't a bit freakish to wander upon this sight below.

Not even in a local grocery store parking lot. This only happens in Northern Michigan. And only I would take pictures for you to see. You are so very welcome.

I know so many of you are extremely proud of my photographic skills.

What is so striking about this picture is that it is strapped to a car. A car! Not a truck. Because 86.7% of my town's population either drives a honkin' SUV or a 1/2 ton truck or bigger.

Now doesn't this make you wonder if this herbivore was shot by a woman or a man?

So Yooper and I figured this cute little 6 pointer(that means his antler size) was taken by a "downstater". One who lives several hundred miles below our town. One who lives south of this city I grew up in. This area of four true seasons. Yes, this buck most likely was shot by this car driven downstater who apparently does not own a truck with a bed to let this deer lie. This gives the owner of this car huge braggin' rights. I mean wouldn't you do the same thing? Strap a dead animal on to the back of your car? Forget the trunk. Show everyone around you your prize!

And so, seeing this while venturing out and about for groceries this afternoon reminded me of the video below.

Because I half expected this rigormortis laden deer to lift its head and start singing the Macarena. Or start screaming for help. Perhaps the local veterinarian nearby would save him.

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Oklahoma Woman Creates A Cookbook Tidalwave

I have to share my latest find. I have to let you in on a gal who has caused me to enjoy cooking. To actually understand how to make food taste better than out of a box and how not to ruin food with recipes that call for strange ingredients I can't find at my local Walmarts. In fact, she refers to Walmart for finding many of the ingredients she uses. I don't have to shop in a gourmet food store to find foreign flavors that make or break a recipe. Do you know how fabulous of a feeling that is?

I've been waiting for this cookbook ever since she made mention she was doing one earlier this year. It came out a couple weeks ago. I of course ordered one from Amazon.com. I had to be like the rest of her blog groupies. To have so many of her recipes under one cover, thrilled me to death. I'm not one to go out and buy a recipe book because someone says it is a good one. But I knew this one would be all the high hopes I have for it. I have a pile of cookbooks, you know the ones your mother in law gave you when you were first married. "To keep their son well fed and happy."

I have a few cookbooks my mom gave me. A Betty Crocker's Bisquick cookbook because, well it's Bisquick. Bisquick is so easy and makes my life complete. I can't imagine life without Bisquick. Can you?

She then gave me a Taste of Home 5 Ingredient cookbook to entice me to cook. Only five ingredients to make this? But where is the Basil? Paprika? Cilantro? Lawry's seasoning? Salted butter? Crisco?

See, this country gal from the OK state has this website, I'm sure so many blogger readers already know about. But many who read my site don't even know what the heck a "blog" is, much less how popular they are. The gal who wrote this cookbook? She's a blogger. And well she's sort of famous now. Famous among us bloggy junkies. Which makes me a bloggy junky. We're all junkies in some way.

She went from being a city girl, high heeling shoe wearer to a married ranch wife, raising four children she homeschools, is a kick-butt photographer and cooking extraordinaire. A nobody 3 years ago to being referred to as the pioneer woman of 2009.

I became addicted to her website/blog two years ago when my mom emailed me her link to show me her photography and read about her life living on a huge cattle farm in Oklahoma. Two years ago, my mom feared I was going to take her grandchildren away from her and move to Montana and become a cattle farmer. Little does she know, I still might some day.

I've been an addicted follower ever since. This pioneer woman is the one who made me buy my Nikon. She is responsible for me becoming a photoshopaholic. I'de like to think she is solely the reason I actually enjoy making food for my family and friends.

Meet Ree Drummond, a.k.a Pioneer Woman. And here is her cookbook.

I became addicted to Guacamole and Pico De Gallo after I made Ree's recipes for them. So did Yooper and my kids. They ask for it often and since it is so simple to make not to mention a healthy snack, I make it often.

Let me tell you, I've made so many of her recipes. Tried and true and always a winner. Her lasagna? Triple decker awesome. What will win you over is the Bob Evans "hot" sausage you mix in with the ground beef. Filling, fattening. Love it.

Since I have roughly 600 pounds of ground beef, New York strips, filet mignon and roasts making their way to our freezers in the near future I am thankful for this cookbook. Why? Because she lives on a cattle farm and they eat plenty of beef. She has recipes for us meat lovers. Hearty meat lovin' with potatoes type of recipes. And since my freezers are going to be stuffed with bovine it makes life with beef so much easier to contend with.

Oh and the above meatballs? They rock. And do roll.

But she also has recipes that call for other meats, chicken no less. I like this one. I've made it and my kids loved it. End of discussion.

If my kids love it, I love the person who created the recipe.

There are sections on not only dinner recipes but hearty breakfast, real cowboy loving foods. There is even a special section for chic foods with a savory Sangria concoction.

And desserts? No woman is complete without loving desserts and baking them. These Oatmeal Crispies? I've made them. Yooper likes them. Think granola bars but oh so much yummier.

The ranch Ree lives on with her cowboy riding husband and four "punks" is surrounded by bovine beef. Lot's of it. Not a dairy farm , but a beef cattle farm, raising good tasting meat for us steak lovers and hamburger eatin' humans.

Let's not forget horses. Real cowboys ride real horses. Pictures of horses are scattered throughout this cookbook. The land they live on pastures wild mustangs along with their ranch bred stock horses they use each and every day to herd those bovines.

You won't see pictures of them chasing cattle on the back of a four wheeler. That only happens in Northeastern Michigan on a hobby farm of 15 cattle.

Cowboys. Real, live, chap wearing cowboys. Her cookbook not only showcases her favorite recipes, but she also shares her life on the farm and who she shares it with.

Did I mention how there are horses displayed throughout this book? While you are waiting for your Kitchen Aid mixer to mix, you can read about feeding wild mustangs during the winter in Oklahoma.

I don't have a Kitchen Aid mixer. I just thought I would throw that out as a hint. To my mom. She might want to know that.

One thing that always puzzled me about this gal, Pioneer Woman, is all of the pictures of dogs and NEVER cats. I began to think that maybe she just doesn't like cats. I assumed since she lived on a ranch with plenty of barns and such, there would be scatterings of kitty cats roaming around. Such photographic moments to be made! Alas, I learned this spring her reasons for not having any cats around was solely due to the above pictures. Dogs. Seems those two rascals, her long eared Bassett Hound Charlie and that Jack Russell Terrier Suzie, along with another handful of dogs they have are not kind to kitties. Which I can totally understand! I have a Corgi who loves to tackle and pummel cats on a daily basis. And a young puppy who likes to chew on them, especially their tails before she is swatted away.

Pictures you see throughout this cookbook have been taken 100% by Ree. That is what makes this cookbook so wonderful. Her photography is so awesome. Amazing. What I really love about her cooking is how she takes pictures of each and every step of the recipe. You cannot possibly screw up a meal. How many times have you made a recipe from one single picture of the finished product and for it to be an absolute bomb? I'm raising my hand here. Yes, guilty as charged. I'll admit to such misdemeanors. That is what I have loved about her cooking. Step by step pictured process makes for complete success. (Say that 5 times, really, really fast.) I learn so much easier that way thank you very much.

She's funny, witty, classy and someone you can relate to on many occasions. Go check out her website and find out for yourself all about this Oklahoma gal. Definitely check out her Cooking section and investigate some of her recipes, print one out and enjoy bliss as you eat the finished product. Trust me. Been there, done that. I'm here to stay, bliss is a very good thing.

Or take it for all its worth and my whole hearted opinion and just go buy the cookbook here!

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A Bit Of A Setback

So it seems while the whole world is revolving around us, spinning as it should, there are days when the life of cancer stops us in our tracks. It reminds us of the awful dark cloud hanging over us. It is a maddening feeling. A feeling of dread and no end. I get so tired of it. I am so tired of what it has done to our lives and especially to Tim. Oh yes, there have been so many wonderful, uplifting things that have occurred; this I know. This I am very thankful for. My life has taken on a whole new meaning, a new role and job. I look at life so much differently. But I think I also look back at our lives before cancer walked in and I look to the future a bit more than I should wondering what our lives will be like two months from now or six or twelve. I miss our lives before July 24th. I miss the man I used to call "Superman" back then. Even though he is here, I miss my husband of then. I get caught up in thinking like this more than I need to. It isn't good for me to do this. It saddens me; makes me feel weak and powerless. My mind is a constant ongoing jumble of thoughts. I relate this to walking into an electronics store and seeing a wall of flat screen televisions, all turned on and each one on a different channel. People talking. Loud voices. Mumbled words. Yes. This is how my mind operates some days. It is no wonder I forget easily. It is no wonder I crave a huge cup of java when I awake in the morning or a cold, Diet Pepsi mid-afternoon. Before July 24, I rarely if ever drank pop.

So what is this setback? What happened? Tim had a setback a few weeks ago that has rather put a new obstacle in our path. He had his first focal seizure. A seizure that took place in his right arm. It happened without warning and lasted several minutes. His arm began moving back and forth violently until it finally fell numb. Not long after this occurred his right leg began dragging and it appeared his right limbs were paralyzed. Another process of brain cancer and another scary episode. A punch in the gut. A huge wake up call. Just when we thought our lives were moving back into a sort of normalcy, WHAM. Why did it happen? What had caused it? Was it medication? The chemotherapy pill he was on? Stress? Bleeding in his brain? Necrosis of brain tissue? New tumor regrowth? I have to tell you it is so frustrating not knowing and having answers. A doctor we contacted at Duke University told us it could have been stress that may have caused it. Days leading up to the focal seizure were indeed stressful and Tim was probably doing more physical activity than he should have been doing. So now I am on constant alert, making sure Tim is not too stressed. Ha, Ha. How funny is that? How can you not be stressed? If he becomes too wigged out from something will he have another focal seizure or perhaps a full blown gran mal? Even though he has been on a anti-seizure medication, it is no sure guarantee. And along the way, we will have to find a happy medium as to what dosage will be correct for him to prevent another episode from happening.

Six weeks after his crainiotomy he was 85% back to normal. After his surgery you may recall he had some parysis in his right arm and leg which was due to brain tissue and tumor near his right side motor function being removed. He recovered well after that. Physical and occupational therapy did wonders for him and he improved in leaps and bounds. He was almost throwing a baseball. He was walking with a slight limp.

His body has changed so drastically in the past few weeks it has been so emotionally and physically difficult for him and for me. He has resorted to using a cane for the added security to help with his balance. Going up a few stairs has kept me or the kids having a watchful eye on him or helping to guide his right leg and foot up to the next step. Normal, daily activities we all take for granted are now a challenge for him. I have to help him put his socks on. Tie his shoes. Put his deodorant on. He needs help cutting up food. With all of this happening I worry he may become depressed. How could you not? Thankfully, his positive thought process is still here and his gracious attitude blows me away. I know if I were in his shoes I would be complaining and sad to no end. I feel his pain completely and that makes me sad. When he is having a good day, so am I. When he is frustrated and impatient, I am as well. Sometimes we find our tempers flaring and voices rise up. This gets us nowhere of course. And thankfully it happens while the kids are at school. The last thing for our kids to see are two angry parents fighting about cancer.

Each day is a struggle for him with loss of function in his arm and leg. He relies on me more than he would like sometimes since he can be so prideful. I tell him I don't mind and am at his beckon call. Think about this for a moment. Be thankful for usage of your two hands, arms and legs. Be thankful for the good health you are in. Because right now, this setback has turned so many things around in our lives.

I don't want this to be a negative post today. I don't want you to think I am some depressed, lost soul whose husband has cancer. I am only writing this to let you know how things are right now. They aren't as dismal as I portray now. Frustrating, tiring we are but we still manage to find laughter and keep our sanity. So I write this to inform you of our present state. Friends and family wonder daily. They worry. They continue to pray. That is what we continue to ask of them. Pray. Be thankful. Hope. Have faith.

He is doing better since his focal seizure. He is walking better. He's been trying to use his arm a bit more. It is like taking two steps forward only to fall three steps back. Sort of like the game of Monopoly. Do not pass go. Miss a turn. Go back 3 spaces. Except I'm still waiting for the Get Out Of Jail Free card.

We must crawl before we learn to walk. We must master walking before we can run. This setback is another obstacle we have come to. We've managed to trudge through it. We learn from it. We keep living. We move on.

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